I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
