So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
