we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
