It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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