my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
