I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
