I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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