I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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