I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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