The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
where does the pee come out of this thing
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize