You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
