The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
