i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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