I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
