There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
