all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
