Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
