so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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