I can tuck mytits in my pants
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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