there's paper in my vomit.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
