Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
