just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
