i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
