Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
