Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
