weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
