I don't remember. Are we still dating?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
