I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
