We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
