You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Small penises have feelings too.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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