on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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