Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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