Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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