Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
