she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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