hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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