I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
