I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
