If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
