And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
