i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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