Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize