grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
