I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
