I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
