Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
