Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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