You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize