Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
