Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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