I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
