i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
