Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
