i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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