Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize