Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You are the jesus of drinking
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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