i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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