New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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