Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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