Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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