I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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