textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
