Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
