i just had sex bonerless
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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