Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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