i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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