omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't deserve a penis
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
