Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
