fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
