We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize