I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
