suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize