bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
