as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
