maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
handjob tips. give me some.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize