just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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