I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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