You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
