Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
