i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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