Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i now understand why vodka
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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