is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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