so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
