I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am naked and annoyed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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