What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
