Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
