if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
false alarm. still invincible.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Randomize
