I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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